Ruckus's Monster Girl Quest
by bignastyshrek
Summary: When lustful monster girls show up in Woodcrest and threaten the whole town, there's only one faithful man of White Jesus we can count on, and that's Uncle Ruckus. Follow Ruckus as he exposes the dastardly secrets of the monster-kind to the public of Woodcrest, all while whooping monster ass. Rated T for swearing and action.
1. Chapter 1: Introduction

The town of Woodcrest is a small, secluded town in Maryland where not a whole lot goes on. The predominately white town has just about everything a town should have. There's a mall, a couple restaurants, a park, and several other necessities. It's another normal day in this town, and a dark skinned man known to the public as Uncle Ruckus is going about his day, doing lawn work at one of his 47 jobs.

"Well, Tom, the lawn is all taken care of. I done weeded it, mowed it, and watered your garden too. That'll be $150." The large man demands from a local prosecuting attorney named Tom DuBois.

"Yes, of course, Ruckus." Tom says to Ruckus as he hands him a check for the required amount. "Thanks for doing all this extra work for us. Jazmine just started school again, and Sarah's having to work a whole lot more."

"Uh huh. Don't mention it." Ruckus responds, heading on his way to the local park to do some grounds-keeping. However, something seems out of the ordinary to him on his way. Something seems to be moving in the trees, almost like a portal filled with promiscuous anthropomorphic monsters. However, Ruckus shrugs it off, proceeding on his way to keep working. As he continues his job, he sees something in the same direction from the portal. A very large bird flies out of the trees, and as Ruckus gets a closer look at it, he notices that the bird is quite tall, and has other numerous humanoid features. Moments later, a number of other monster girls show up out of the trees, including arachnids, slimes, lamias, and so on. Disgusted by the amount of monsters showing up, Ruckus gets closer to them, arming himself with a rake in case things get ugly.

"What the hell are y'all doing here?" Ruckus asserts, getting in the lamia's face. She giggles at his assertion and moves her tail closer to him as an act of seduction.

"Oh dear, you look like a strong man..." She tries to seduce him, but Ruckus shoves his rake down at her tail on the ground, causing her to shriek and recoil.

"I don't take no compliments from no mulattoes!" Ruckus shouts as the other girls get closer to him. "In the name of White Jesus, I command y'all to get outta here!" Since almost nobody except Ruckus was in the general area where the monsters were, they decided to retreat into the forest again. "Yeah, that's right! Get outta here!" With a huff, Ruckus finishes his work at the park raking leaves, then heads to his final job of the day at the Woodcrest mall. However, when he pulls up in his car, he sees that same portal open up in the trees again. A number of individuals walking can see the portal in the trees, and turn their heads to view the sight. As the monsters walk out of the trees and the hearts of the public start to beat out of their chests, the lamia, apparently the leader, steps to the front of the pack of monsters and makes an announcement.

"Why hello, humans." The lamia giggles seductively as she continues her speech, moving her red tail from side to side. "Oh, I'm sorry, I just get a little bump in my heart when I see your kind!" She continues, trying to seduce the crowds. "We've been so looking forward to seeing you, and here we are! We'd love for you to come by our place and have some fun!" The lamia giggles as she and her squad hand out flyers advertising a joint they set up at a strip mall. The general public takes quite a liking to them, as the girls seduce them with their smooth words. Meanwhile, Ruckus is watching all the events happen while trimming shrubs outside, and he doesn't like it one bit.

"I know there's something up with these here new half-and-halfs." Ruckus tells himself. "And I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. Those monster hoes think they're slick, what with all that black magic of theirs. And if nobody does nothing about it, what's gonna happen to this town?" Ruckus continues to think. "I'm gonna need to come up with a plan to take these hoes out, one by one."

Ruckus continues to think about how he will purge Woodcrest of these monster hoes, as they will surely be detrimental to the town, and possibly the rest of the world, in the future. However, he knows he can't just go charging into this den of sin, as he'd get his ass handed to him in a matter of seconds, so he decides to finish his work for the day and head home, preparing to pray to White Jesus for wisdom.

"Oh, gracious White Jesus, you have been good to your humble servant. But Lord, you know all things, you know that these monster hoes plan to defile the glorious white men created in your holy image. I ask that you give me the wisdom and courage to go out into the world and oppose these spawns of the Devil! In your holy white name I pray, Amen." Following his prayer, he prepares to go to sleep, but his sleep will soon be interrupted by a divine vision. In Ruckus' dream, he sees himself standing on the clouds outside the Pearly Gates with Ronald Reagan.

"Ronald Reagan!" Ruckus bows down in the presence of the former president, knowing exactly why he came to him again. "Did you answer my prayer on behalf of White Jesus?"

"Yes I did, Reverend Ruckus. And I feel the same way about monster girls. They are an abomination in the sight of God, and must be purged from this world. Ruckus, it's an ugly job, but you are the right person to do it."

"It would be my greatest honor to protect the white man from interbreeding with the monsters!" Ruckus tells Reagan, very excited to feel a sense of purpose in his life once again. "But… where can I find weapons? These evil monsters have teeth and claws."

"Do not worry, Ruckus." Reagan tells him. "The Lord has already provided what you will need. Well, I think it's time we part ways again. I hope to see you someday soon in White Heaven." With that, Ruckus's slumber ceases, and he wakes up in his room, only to find a mass of weapons available to him, such as swords, spears, and nunchaku.

"Praise White God!" Ruckus shouts as he also sees a hit list of monsters to fight. On it, various monsters inhabiting Woodcrest are listed, as well as their whereabouts. "Time to send some monster hoes back to hell!"


	2. Chapter 2: Ruckus Vs the Slime Girl

With his life filled with purpose once again, Reverend Ruckus takes his first steps to purging the town of Woodcrest of the evil monster girls. He takes a good look at the hit list and sees a slime listed as the first target.

"A slime hoe, huh?" Ruckus says, thinking to himself. "Seems I'll need something to dry the slime out and prevent it from multiplying." As he says that, he notices a pile of cleaning powder near him, known for soaking up liquids and making them easy to sweep up and throw away. He also notices numerous salt shakers are available to him. "Oh yeah, this'll not take long at all. And it says here the slimes typically live in forests near towns. Looks like I'm gonna have to call off work; I've got more important things to do." As Ruckus prepares his weaponry, complete with a Bible and a sword with a cross on the end, he sets out on his way.

Walking through the Woodcrest park, Ruckus gets quite a few looks. Individuals are turning heads at the large dark skinned man, carrying his cleaning tools and weapons to who knows where. Noticing the public staring at him, he brushes it off and continues on his way towards the forest where the slime monster lives. Clearly the slime knows how to mark her territory, as slime coats the sign marking the entrance to the forest.

"Disgusting!" Ruckus thinks to himself as he takes a look at the sign, pressing harder into the forest. Of course, he's not alone. As he ventures deeper, a number of tiny slime girls start to materialize around Ruckus, latching onto his leg. "Shit!" Ruckus shouts as he hacks at the tiny slimes with his sword, trying to get them off his body. These slimes turn out to be pretty weak; one stab or slash from Ruckus's sword and the slime fades away. However, he knows not to let his guard down just yet. Pressing further on in the forest, Ruckus stumbles across an happy looking homeless man, walking in the opposite direction Ruckus is.

"Sir, where have you come from?" Ruckus asks the man, raising his sword.

"I just got back from seeing the slime lady..." The man says in a slurred, apathetic sounding voice. "Best time I've had my whole life, but now I'm broke. Her rates are unbelievable."

"So you actually like those hoes?" He asks the homeless man, surprise clearly on his voice.

"You mean you don't?" The man responds, confused at Ruckus. "Everybody's into monsters these days, from the rich to the poor. I think even the Wuncler family is into them."

"Oh, shit." Ruckus thinks to himself, feeling as if he just made an enemy out of this man. He doesn't want to get on anybody's bad side on his mission to purify Woodcrest.

"Yeah, but I don't have a single cent to my name." The homeless man adds to the conversation. "I have nothing to live for..." With that said, the homeless man pulls out a gun and shoots at his own head, and he drops dead in the forest.

"Shit!" Ruckus exclaims, as the sound clearly attracted attention from the slimefolk around Ruckus. A number of small slime girls inch their way over to the dead man and absorbs his body into theirs, making them about the size as Ruckus. "I need to find a way to dry her out!" He shouts as he remembers the salt shakers he packed in his pocket, then pulls one out and empties it on the slime, causing her to dry out and evaporate. "I need to remain vigilant from now on. Who knows what else is out there?" Ruckus continues his trek in the woods, the walk remaining mostly peaceful until he reaches a cave with slime all around it. Ruckus cringes at the amount of slime, then enters the cave. A large blue Queen Slime is in the depths, awaiting his arrival.

"Ohohoho, if it isn't that man who we saw cleaning the park. Such a hard worker..." She tries to seduce him with her smooth words, but Ruckus isn't having any of it.

"Bullshit!" Ruckus shouts back at the monster. "Your kind is an abomination in the sight of White Jesus, and you must be purged from this world!"

"Oh, darling, you don't mean that! Come over here and give me a big hug!" The slime grins at Ruckus, jiggling as she opens her arms wide in an attempt to trap him.

"Ain't no way in hell you've tricked me! I've seen every nigga trick in the book, and the only way I'm coming over there is to send you back to hell!"

"Hmph. So be it, sugar, but I won't go easy on you." The Queen Slime continues in her sultry voice, before inching her way closer to Ruckus, as Queen Slimes cannot move that fast. The slime towers over Ruckus, and he is sure his sword won't do a thing to her. He knows a simple trick from his work cleaning up spills, and that in order to clean a spill effectively, he needs to pour cleaning powder on the liquid, making it easier to sweep up and toss.

"Well, come get some!" Ruckus shouts as he runs up to the monster, opening his container of powder and tossing it on the slime. Immediately, the slime starts to evaporate and shrink.

"Ouch! No! You can't do this to me!" The slime pleads for her life as she now shrinks to a mere foot tall, and cannot move.

"Oh, gracious and just White Jesus, by your power I command a monster hoe back to the depths of hell!" He commands to the slime, as consecrated circles start to glow around her. "Begone!" He shouts, as the slime is banished and the circles disappear. He does, in addition, see some residue from the slime, and he scoops it up into a jar to keep as a memento from his encounter.

"I'll be keeping this as a trophy." He says as he pockets the jar and looks around the rest of the cave. Being monsters, they clearly have a fondness for treasure, and Ruckus heads over to the loot piles and pockets as much as he can carry before making his way back to his house.

"Well, I've picked up a good amount of dinero from this encounter. I could make a nice living out of this." Ruckus continues as he kneels down at his bed, about to say a prayer to White Jesus. "Oh, gracious and just White Jesus, thank you for giving me the strength to press on in my fight for justice. This victory was won not of my own strength, but because you were able to help me, and I thank you for that. And even if I fight alone, so be it, I will still fight. Amen." He finishes his prayer and gets in his bed, preparing to turn in for the night. He's still got a mountain to climb, but he's pressing on and on toward that goal each day.


End file.
